Hurricane Lessons, Chapter 24

I remember the moment it happened, the single spark that set my body aflame. My Pilates instructor and friend stood behind me on the reformer and pressed her legs into my back, her hands into my shoulders. The strength of her long, lean limbs drove me into submission. Her long, blonde hair tickled the back […]

Holding Pattern

Mom and Bob would have been married 38 years today. They married when I was 14. When I think about how much has happened between 14 and 51, I am astounded by all that’s contained within 38 years. They loved each other so well, Mom and Bob. I miss them every day. My sweet cousin, […]

The Space Between

When my mother died, I sat at her bedside and held her hand Until I could feel it turning cold. I’m certain I cried, But I don’t remember tears. I just remember the soft vellum of her fingers, The falling temperature of them, The slight part of her lips. “Stay as long as you’d like,” […]

Quicksand and Greeting Cards

As a kid, I was afraid of drowning in quicksand. I mean, I saw it on Gilligan’s Island, The Incredible Hulk, and Land of the Lost. How could I not be afraid? Once you stepped in it, you were pretty much a goner unless you got angry enough to transform into the Hulk, or The […]

The Most Tender Bruise

Last week, I banged the back of my hand against an aggressive meter jutting out of a brick wall. My fingers tingled, and a bruise immediately began to spread. (It seems I can’t sneeze without bruising these days). It was sore to the touch, and I whined about it for a good 24 hours. Today, […]

Waves

I dream her every night. So far, they haven’t been dreams of comfort, but dreams of discontent. Perhaps it’s my own body, my own soul, fighting against what has been made true by life and death, by the limits of our corporeal selves.

Misty, Watercolor Memories

Someone asked me today how I was. It was a casual question from a casual acquaintance. The kind of question in which the one who’s asking expects a “Fine, thanks. How are you?” But that’s not what I said. Instead, I awkwardly blurted, “My mom just died.” “I’m so sorry. We all go through that. […]

Driving Home

It wasn’t a forever goodbye, but it was a significant one. A landmark in the vast valley of goodbyes mothers make. You expect a little tug when you first leave them with a babysitter, when the doors of their kindergarten school bus close behind backpacks too big for their little bodies, when they flip the […]

The Great Reset

Hands

It’s ironic, I think, that I was bragging about the robustness of my blood as the nurse inserted the IV. “I’ve got great veins,” I said. “And I’m a universal donor. Nurses love me.”  But my blood didn’t really love me. Not at that moment. I’d been sent to the ER after multiple blood pressure […]