The Origin of My Anger
Trigger warnings: childhood sexual abuse, rape Yesterday, I said to a friend, “I am so angry all the time. I can feel it bubbling up in me at any perceived injustice. I don’t like feeling this way. This isn’t me.” Normally, I like to consider myself fairly even-keeled, prone to loving and fun conversations rather […]
The State of My Nation
And the state of my heart. I am tired. It’s only July, the election isn’t until November, and I am exhausted. And I am angry. This past week has been hard. It’s my choice to be exhausted, of course. I have been over-consuming the news, researching history, defending human rights on social media, discoursing with […]
248 Years Ago We Said No to a King
Three days ago, we said, “Psych! Just kidding.” But we still have music. And books. And dogs. I didn’t get much sleep last night. Or the night before. I was tossing and turning, picking up my phone to add new thoughts to the Note I was compiling for today’s post. It was going to be […]
Ready to Run
I played half a game of pickleball this morning before I had to stop, my knee screaming. Pickleball—such a silly name for a sport I love so much; one that doesn’t love me back. I’m losing my left knee to pickleball, although basketball, softball, volleyball, and racquetball probably made their contributions long before pickleball became […]
Three Years
Tomorrow marks the third anniversary of my beloved mom’s death. I can feel it in my bones, this passing of time. When her death date rolls around, I get heavy, reflective. I exist in a realm that is sacred. I laugh loudly and cry too easily. I sit in silence, my thoughts as quiet and […]
A Father’s Day Story
Father’s Day is tricky. My biological dad never wanted much to do with me. He was a handsome dreamer who didn’t know how to stay. Gold chains around his neck and a wide-collared shirt unbuttoned just a little too far. Alluring gap between his front teeth and eyes so blue you could swim away in […]
The Suggestion of a Memory
While going through storage recently (gah, still so many boxes to sort and purge!), I leafed through pictures from my kids’ childhood—birthday parties, camping trips, museum visits, creek hikes—and wondered how much of it they remember. I worked so hard to give them magic and joy when they were little. Homemade snake cakes for a […]
Pride and Anger
I’m angry. I don’t like being angry. It’s not my natural state. Normally, I’m pretty happy-go-lucky. I’m go-with-the-flow. I’m every-stranger-gets-a-smile. I’m “easy like Sunday morning.” But not today. I’m learning there is a reason gay people surround themselves with “chosen” family. Because family (and friends) so often let gay people down. Over and over and […]
Choosing to Stay
Trigger warning: Suicidal ideation Today, I’m settling into a long and pretty uneventful holiday weekend. Sweet Ruby had a bit of minor surgery yesterday to remove the remains of a canine tooth after she and Sissy got into a nasty tussle. So, we’re laying low and watching her closely, hoping the stitches in her mouth […]
Grown and Flown
As a mother, I feathered my nest with pretty things that would make my four young children feel happy, joyful, and secure. Each had a room decorated with a theme that matched their childhood interests: Sam with his sports motif, Gus with the planets and stars, Mary Claire with a special flower garden, and George […]