Vote Him Out
I know there are many who suffer from PTSD. I never counted myself among them, even with a colorful history of sexual abuse and violence. I’ve been through enough therapy to consider myself as healed as I’m going to get. A psychotherapist friend often posts about how victims carry their trauma in their skin, in […]
The Weight of a Pandemic
I haven’t hugged my mom since March. I haven’t seen my best friends in the same amount of time. We had to put our family dog down a couple of weeks ago, and every single thing that happens during this cataclysmic time feels so incredibly heavy. For someone prone to over-the-top emotions in a regular […]
A Million Years Ago
I can’t read any more. Nothing holds my interest. I’ve been skimming the same book for two months now, and I’m only 50 pages in. I keep reading a couple of lines each night, hoping there’s a turn of phrase that will draw me in. But there never is. I set the book beside my […]
Inviting Myself to the Fight
I’ve been invited to a few fights in my life. Most of the fights I’ve participated in haven’t been mine. I find that I’m jumping into the fray far more frequently now that the election is near and racial tensions are high. Sometimes I just can’t stay silent. Yesterday, I was scrolling through Facebook and […]
The Search for Understanding
Early on, I was wounded by words from someone I once believed to be a friend. I was recovering from back surgery, in a great amount of pain, on even larger amounts of drugs, and I saw the picture pop up on my social media. It was of three of my friends and Chris’s new […]
Quarantine Thoughts
Everything feels especially raw right now. For the world. For each of us individually. Collectively. For me. I have to scroll past animal rescue sites these days because I cannot save all the dogs, and there are so many dogs who need saving. I cannot look into their sad eyes and their lowered heads knowing […]
Stay Gold
I hit an animal driving away from Mom’s nursing home on Christmas Eve. It was dark on the back country roads, and the little one came out of nowhere, white and fast. The thunk she made on the front of my Forester was like all the animal thunks–nauseating, heart-wrenching, far too loud for her tiny […]
By the Numbers
4: Number of months since I lost my job, my primary source of income, and my insurance. 337: Dollars left in my checking account. 3: Nights I spent in the hospital with a severe asthma incident right before losing my job. 12: Unpaid medical bills sitting on my counter. 93: Puffs left on my inhaler. […]
Life at 49
I am trying to stay positive. I am trying to remember everything that remains rather than dwelling on what I’ve lost. But so much has been lost. Much of that is my fault. Much of it is not. Much of it is simply life. Choices. Consequences. Paths that twist and turn and diverge. The unexpected. […]
Meeting Indiana Bones
It’s no secret that the past couple of months have been challenging in every way–emotionally, financially, medically, professionally. And on the heels of a few extra challenging years, I wonder sometimes when I’ll get to take a breath again. One that feels more like a restorative exhale than a sharp, anxious intake. Today wasn’t that […]