Three Years

Tomorrow marks the third anniversary of my beloved mom’s death. I can feel it in my bones, this passing of time. When her death date rolls around, I get heavy, reflective. I exist in a realm that is sacred. I laugh loudly and cry too easily. I sit in silence, my thoughts as quiet and […]

Choosing to Stay

Trigger warning: Suicidal ideation Today, I’m settling into a long and pretty uneventful holiday weekend. Sweet Ruby had a bit of minor surgery yesterday to remove the remains of a canine tooth after she and Sissy got into a nasty tussle. So, we’re laying low and watching her closely, hoping the stitches in her mouth […]

Family Matters

Dear Diary, As most of you know, I lost my beloved mom two years ago. A year after that, I lost my only sister. And three months after saying goodbye to my sister, I lost the job I loved—the one I thought would be mine until I retired. Loss is funny, and so is grief. […]

Comfort Food

Dear Diary, Carrie was always known as the cook of the family. She loved being in the kitchen, experimenting with new recipes and flavors. I loved being in the kitchen, too, but that’s because I adored eating the food. Carrie was the cook, and I was her willing, taste-testing guinea pig. Before she died, I […]

Gratitude

Dear Diary, I’ve been thinking about my big sister a lot lately. About her waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. About how she couldn’t find her way back to her bed because there was a tumor compromising her brain. About how that fucking tumor would take her away […]

Waves

I dream her every night. So far, they haven’t been dreams of comfort, but dreams of discontent. Perhaps it’s my own body, my own soul, fighting against what has been made true by life and death, by the limits of our corporeal selves.

Too Soon

Trees and Clouds

Good-night! good-night! as we so oft have said Beneath this roof at midnight, in the days That are no more, and shall no more return. Thou hast but taken up thy lamp and gone to bed; I stay a little longer, as one stays To cover up the embers that still burn. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow […]